Yapah Means Beautiful

“Loveliness is deceptive and prettiness is vein, a woman who fears יהוה is to be praised.”-Mishlei /Proverbs 31:30 (ISR).

Growing up, people always thought I was “pretty” or “cute,” and that got me out of a lot of trouble, and it got me into a lot of trouble. But until recently, I didn’t realize how much that characteristic mattered to me.

Six months ago my ish told me that he liked me better without make up. He said, “MayimYah, you don’t struggle for beauty. Why do you always wear make-up?  It takes away from your true beauty.” I told him I didn’t think it took away from anything; I thought it enhanced the way I looked! But that made me question why I don’t like the way I REALLY look. Why didn’t I think I was pretty without make-up if he did?

So I decided to go cold turkey and stop wearing it.

At first I felt very self conscious and uneasy. I saw how small and almond shaped my eyes were, and I saw the bags under my eyes. I didn’t recognize myself. “Is this REALLY what I look like?!.. I thought in disbelief.

But it forced me to look at myself in a way that I had never done before. I realized how vain I was- and still am. How caught up in my looks I’ve always been, and how shallow that made me. I also realized that I didn’t love myself the way I thought I did.

Talk about a rough reality.

I didn’t wear make-up all summer and I still haven’t worn any now that I’m back at school. At first I felt like everyone was looking at me, but it got easier! One day a girl said, “wow, you look so tired!” I thought to myself dang. That hurt. But I shook it off and kept moving.

I’ve been doing better and better with my six-month no make up journey. But a couple months ago I had a relapse. I spoke to someone in my family who saw a FB picture of me that my dad posted for my birthday. We laughed because it was a SUPER close up, but then she said, “I know! When I saw the picture I thought, wow she could have at least put a LITTLE make up on!” Ouch.

Her words stung and my heart dropped.

I was having an internal battle, or as my professor would say a moment of ‘cognitive dissonance’. I thought- see! I knew it. I look ugly without make-up. But then I thought: Really?? Am I still struggling with being comfortable in my own skin? This is who I am. I need to stand by my commitment to love my no-make-up self.

To be honest, since then I’ve had moments where I  over evaluated the way I looked even after that, but it doesn’t happen as much anymore. I’ve come to appreciate the way Yah has made me, and I enjoy the freedom its given me to embrace myself and my culture.

The way we view ourselves seems small but it’s not. If we can’t see our own beauty, that means that we aren’t looking at ourselves with the eyes of the Creator- and that’s blasphemy. If Yah says He created us in His image, to deny His craftsmanship is an insult.

I’m sharing this story of endurance with you because this walk takes perseverance, persistence and strength. The good thing is that we don’t have to have those qualities on our own- Yah will give them to us. He’ll also supply us with people to support us and encourage us. Even in the small things that we struggle with, like do I look okay without make-up? Or, is it okay to be me?

And by the way, the answer is yes. It is. Be you. Walk in the courage of Esther, the commitment of Ruth, the wisdom of Deborah and the humility of Mary.

Song of Solomon 4:1 Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.

We’re worth more than rubies.

Please comment and share your thoughts! I’d love to hear from you ❤.